is and is-not

One of the most memorable passages in this novel for me was Darl’s musings on being and not being in the very beginning of the novel, at the start of the journey. The passage was so convoluted and weird that it was a fun puzzle to figure out what I thought Darl meant when he said something is or isn’t. I thought it would be fun to do Dr.E-style explication of the paragraph line by line. I’ll quote the whole thing here, but then I’ll go phrase by phrase with my interpretation.

In a strange room you must empty yourself for sleep. And before you are

emptied for sleep, what are you. And when you are emptied for sleep, you are not. And when you are filled with sleep, you never were. I don’t know what I am. I don’t know if I am or not. Jewel knows he is, because he does not know that he does not know whether he is or not. He cannot empty himself for sleep because he is not what he is and he is what he is not. Beyond the unlamped wall I can hear the rain shaping the wagon that is ours, the load that is no longer theirs that felled and sawed it nor yet theirs that bought it and which is not ours either, lie on our wagon though it does, since only the wind and the rain shape it only to Jewel and me, that are not asleep. And since sleep is is-not and rain and wind are was, it is not. Yet the wagon is, because when the wagon is was, Addie Bundren will not be. And Jewel is, so Addie Bundren must be. And then I must be, or I could not empty myself for sleep in a strange room. And so if I am not emptied yet, I am is. (pages 80-81)

The start is pretty simple “In a strange room you must empty yourself for sleep. And before you are emptied for sleep, what are you” – basically, when you are in a new place for the first time, you have to clear your mind and let yourself relax to fall asleep. But when your mind is clear, what is happening to your thoughts? Are you really you if you aren’t thinking? Then, “I don’t know what I am. I don’t know if I am or not” means that Darl doesn’t know what consciousness is exactly, so he can’t assess whether he has it or not.

Next, he talks about Jewel, “Jewel knows he is, because he does not know that he does not know whether he is or not” and it gets a little more complicated. I think he is saying that Jewel can comprehend the fact that he has a consciousness because he doesn’t understand the concept of not being conscious. Then, “He cannot empty himself for sleep because he is not what he is and he is what he is not” means that he can’t put his thoughts on hold and relax to fall asleep because he doesn’t control his consciousness the same way Darl does.

Then, he switches gears and goes into a pretty long run-on sentence about the wagon. He starts with “Beyond the unlamped wall I can hear the rain shaping the wagon that is ours, the load that is no longer theirs that felled and sawed it nor yet theirs that bought it and which is not ours either, lie on our wagon though it does,”. This part confused me at first because who is “us”, who is “they” and what is the load? It think what he’s saying is that some random people made this wagon, and other random people sold it, but now it is technically the Bundren’s, but at the moment, the wagon belongs to the coffin. I think in the last part, the “it” in “lie on our wagon though it does” refers to the coffin. This part is especially interesting seeing as what happens to the wagon a few chapters later, as it gets dunked in water, worn, and hauls an increasingly smellier body across the countryside. It made me think about the intended purpose of objects, and how the wagon was certainly not intended for this task when it was made, but here it is anyways. That sentence finishes with “since only the wind and the rain shape it only to Jewel and me, that are not asleep” which I took to mean that only Jewel and Darl are awake to hear and think about the coffin.

Then it gets pretty cerebral. The line is “And since sleep is is-not and rain and wind are was, it is not”, and there’s a few things to unpack. First, “is” seems to mean being conscious and “is-not” seems to mean being unconscious. Next, “it” seems to refer to a lot of things, but in this case, I took it to mean the coffin (since it is the important thing on the wagon, but “she” or “her” would refer to Addie). So basically, rephrased, that sentence would read “You are unconscious when you sleep, but conscious when you feel rain, that means the coffin is unconscious”. I think this is Darls way of grieving for his mother, as he thinks about her consciousness or lack thereof.

Darl continues thinking about the wagon, “Yet the wagon is, because when the wagon is was, Addie Bundren will not be”, which I took to mean that the wagon exists right now and can feel the rain, thus it can be considered conscious, but eventually when the wagon falls apart and becomes unconscious, that won’t magically bring Addie back. This also made me think about objects, and how some of the objects in my life will probably outlive me – my house, the trees in my yard, my jewelry, and so on. When I die, those objects will live on, but eventually when they “die”, I don’t live on. Our lifespans intersect for a short time, but our existence doesn’t depend on each other.

He then complicates the situation, with “And Jewel is, so Addie Bundren must be”. I could not for the life of me figure out how this fit in with the wagon living on idea, so I take to mean that because Jewel is conscious and active, he keeps that part of Addie’s character alive, so she can still “be” through Jewel.

Darl ends on a cryptic note: “And then I must be, or I could not empty myself for sleep in a strange room. And so if I am not emptied yet, I am is” meaning that because he is here in the room, feeling things instead of being asleep, he must be conscious. I think all this musing is just Darl seeking out something to connect to as he tries to process Addie’s sudden lack of existence and consciousness.